Jan 162012

In response to a post written on Jem’s blog – it has really had me thinking the last few days about what I really want in life.

I’d like to lose more weight. Probably about 70 more pounds – I don’t know for sure. I haven’t weighed myself the last few weeks. In the winter months, I tend to become quite sedentary. I don’t know exactly what it is about this time of the year (although I’ve speculated about Seasonal Affective Disorder), but I just don’t want to move. I’m hoping to be a good bit closer to my goal by this summer. In turn, I’m also hoping to overcome my asthma. Asthma has been an issue for me for as long as I can remember. However, my mother was a heavy smoker, and then I gained a ton of weight. I know my breathing is better since I no longer live with my mother, but I’m still overweight. I’m hoping once I lose the weight, the asthma will disappear. I don’t know that losing the weight will help improve my self-confidence, but it’s a step in the right direction to being healthier.

I’d also like to become a better housekeeper and cook. This also goes back to living with my mother. When I was younger, she did not want me to do anything in the house. If I ran the vacuum, it was the wrong way. If I emptied the dishwasher, it was the wrong way. So I just got used to not doing much around the house. I wasn’t allowed to do laundry, for fear I might do it wrong and ruin clothes. I wasn’t allowed to cook, for fear I might burn the house down or waste food by cooking it wrong. Therefore, my housekeeping and cooking skills are not the greatest. I get frustrated very easily when a room is messy. Often, I just don’t know where to start and I feel very overwhelmed, and I just give up. This goes for cooking also. I most likely have a bit of OCD about cleaning and cooking, and everything I do in those two areas has to follow a very specific pattern. I know I need to work harder in those two areas.

Someday, I’d like to foster cats for the local animal rescue. My husband always teases me that I’m the cat whisperer. Sometimes I think he’s right. I’m very comfortable around animals, and very patient with scared animals. I can’t stand hearing about all the mistreated and abandoned animals. I’d like to do something to help. If (hopefully when) we move/renovate/build a new house, our current plan is to build a set of rooms to foster animals. Believe me, I have a plan for it. I already know how this room/set of rooms would be set up and flow with the rest of the house.

I’d like to have a child or two. This may not be possible, I don’t exactly know yet. This is where losing weight comes into play. I have explained infertility (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome – PCOS), but yet, it is still somewhat unexplained. At this point, there is no reason other than my weight to explain why my ovaries do not respond to some of the most common drugs. Hence why my weight loss is so important to me. However, I’m also prepared to travel down the road to adoption if I lose weight and my body still does not respond.

In order to potentially proceed with adoption, I’d like to be more financially secure. Easier said than done. It seems like it should be easy – two working adults, with somewhat decent paying jobs. Then take into account that it took me six years worth of schooling and four years worth of searching to land the job that I have today. Four years of not having steady work, but still having to pay bills. My parents were poor, and almost everything I needed during college had to go on a credit card – books, clothes for student teaching, car repairs, and the hundreds of dollars in materials I had to buy for various educational lessons and demonstrations for my classes. We paid for our own wedding, minus a few thousand dollars that Jack’s parents were able to chip in. The year after Jack and I got married, he lost his job due to the company downsizing. He was able to find a job quickly, but it was a huge pay cut – and it was also during the four years when I wasn’t working steadily. Now he has a better job (and has had this job for just about a year), but it still feels like we’re catching up. It feels like a constant stream of catching up, and just when we think we’re fine, something “catastrophic” happens. Think cars dying, needing a new roof on the house, furnace having issues type of catastrophic. When it rains, it pours, and it always has for us. We’re working on the money situation. It hasn’t been easy. It’s meant a lot of cutting back, cutting out, and going without. There have been times we’ve had to pick and choose which bills to pay so we could pay for car repairs – hopefully those days are over. We are taking a rather nice vacation this summer, and it’s one we’ve planned meticulously. Even though we both know it’s expensive, we feel we owe it to ourselves after not having much of a honeymoon and not really having a fun vacation since we’ve been married. We’ve weighed the costs, and budgeted so that we can afford it without credit cards.

I’m hoping between taking care of our finances and losing weight, some of the other things I’d like to do in life will fall into place. I know there are a ton of smaller things I’d like to do but those are a few of the major things I hope Jack and I can accomplish together.